My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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