He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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