I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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