Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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