just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
