I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and she was petting her beer can
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
