dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
