we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We're too hungover to prance.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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