then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
