all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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