She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
