Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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