How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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