either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
