I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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