last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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