ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
