someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
