Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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