yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
