I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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