I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
