Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
