so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
