A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
