you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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