I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
