So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
