you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
