i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
