Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
