New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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