I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
FUCK WHALES
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
