i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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