I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
