Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
