I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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