Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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