wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
