New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
