cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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