All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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