1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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