By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
