I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You are a genius and a whore.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
