before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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