I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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