I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
