I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
