Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
