ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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