dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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